Some are tiny embers of hope that smoulder slowly until the stars align…
I’d been living in a bubble.
It was meant to protect me from the things in life that hurt.
I could live, I could laugh, but at least I didn’t have to love.
Loving was dangerous and I would never do it again.
It was working just fine, until the bubble burst.
It let in danger.
It let in light.
It let in…him.
Unknowingly I’d been living in the dark, feeling my way.
He filled my world with starlight.
He showed me how to move on to the next level.
He made me feel again.
I thought the wounds from the past would never fully heal,
But perhaps they only heal when the time is right.
Sometimes you just have to thank your lucky scars.
Choking at the urgency to hear his voice, I tried again to get my fingers to cooperate, and, finally, they did.
“Hello?” There was pleading in my tone. “Ziggy?
There was a short stretch of silence, and I thought maybe I’d fucked up the call again when suddenly he spoke. “Bea? What’s wrong?”
“Zig—” A sob cut me off.
“Bea, where are you? What’s going on?”
“I need you,” I whispered.
“Tell me where?” he said with a steady determination that filled me with exactly the comfort I needed right then. He was coming. It was going to be ok. I looked up helplessly at my surroundings for a road name I could tell him.
“Um,” I faltered. “I don’t know, I—” Fresh tears ran down my face, and I wiped at them with the back of my hand, only then noticing the blood. “Oh God,” I gasped.
“Bea, please. You’re scaring me. Are you hurt?”
“No,” I assured him quickly. “I just…” I didn’t even know where to start.
“I need to know where you are. Calm down. I’m here. Take a deep breath and try to tell me where I need to go to find you. I’m coming. Okay? Now just tell me where.”
I turned in place, looking for something I knew. I walked these streets every day, and they’d never felt so alien to me. He was the only thing that felt safe right then, but guilt swept over me, and I tried to pull myself together. I must have been freaking him out, and that wasn’t fair. Nothing around me seemed familiar, even though I knew it was; I was so disorientated. I needed to do what he told me and take a breath.
He was coming to get me.
It was ok.
“Dean Street,” I told him as soon as I laid eyes on the street sign, relieved to be tuning back in but feeling so stupid that I was so close to home and couldn’t even focus enough to realise it. “At the Shaftsbury Avenue end, on the corner.”
“I’m coming. Please just tell me you’re okay,” he said desperately into the phone.